I swear, I'm only cryptic & machiavellian, because I care

Before I restart this start, that I started before, but didn't continue- I want to explain why, for my own understanding and embodiment as well as to share with you.

I've had so many ideas of what this page, the Intuitive Renaissance could be.. for now, it's still just me. 

Since my truest intention with this "project" is to bring about greater understanding of self, unique perspective and individuality-I haven't given up. That still feels relevant and important enough to continue, to find a way through.  I sill thought I could get by like so many before me, with a simple concept and let it grow from there... but I've found, through trial and "continued error" its not the cleared, easy path  for me.

I have to lead.

I don't always like setting myself apart, unless I'm speaking as a Mother or a Makeup Artist. Those are areas I feel "allowed" to use my lived experience, and expertise as the knowledge gained, to know of what I speak... When I give a recommendation or advice in those areas, and on those topics, I am heard. But enter Astrology and not only do I have to contend with my own self doubts and disbeliefs, I see I could spend an entire life time explaining myself. If I continue to wait for this new career pivot till I'm taken seriously, I could be waiting forever. 

I've known I just need to write it out- consitently, to share my *heart and thoughts and just let the rest fall into place as it may. I truly have no control, and thats been the hardest part of this journey- letting go of expectations outside of myself and to find a way to do this work anyway. 

You may have seen, it actually has taken a lot for me to grow into this writer version. Even just now I wrote the kindest text, heart emojis and everything to attempt to discuss this persons perception of the American Flag. I genuinely was asking for their option on Lady liberty as a symbol, curious to know if this person felt the same about that representation of freedom, that we also don't see in action, or is it just the flag thats become triggering? Do we consider changing all the symbols from the past that were made in representation of freedom, when we all know now they still honored slavery back then and women were equal either, it is hypocritical.   I felt like I was validating this person, and extending the conversation, because I'm tired of just stopping at hate. (Ok you hate the Flag right now, how does that move us closer towards understanding how we can better represent a whole and work towards peace?.. Let's go a bit farther, together maybe??) The other person chose to find the one thing she could interpret as an attack and she went for it, not herself knowing how to engage in such topics from the shared offense position. She doesn't know me- and she's used to mistrust, hidden agendas and chose not to trust me.. even when I did nothing to attack- I just didn't do the typical "yes queen.". It's so hardwired in some people's minds, to defend, to assume the worst in people.

So how can anyone else take me and my gifts as serious, If I'm still hiding behind the past versions of me. The one who knows how judgmental I've been,  especially of me..  but also of others, so I know criticism from others, is also going to be waiting there for me. Thats hard to face- knowing that no matter your intentions, unhealed people can still take your informative communication in misguided ways.

When this girl challenged my intent and intension, I mirrored and lead by example. I could have easily been roped into a debate, instead I acknowledged the mis-communication and thanked her for the opportunity to try again. I validated that she doesn't know me, so I understand her need to clarify as well, what was my point and where was I coming from- fair, valid.. I felt I'd already said it but fine, Thanks for the opportunity to try again... and I did. I was extra surprised because this woman has so many followers and I even found her through a mutual friend who has used her for her Astrological reading. Yes, this girl is also an Astrologer, but she can't see symbolism beyond her politics. 

Also been a hard thing for me to face my own personal preconceived notions and to be open to challenge them. I feel to become an open channel, we can't have any sort of prejudice, not even in the name of righteousness. To "Pre- Judge" means you are not open to surprises or new information. Thats where I feel a lot of us get lost, my past self included. Why I feel I can speak on it. I've been on both sides. I can still see and understand both sides- so I am no longer on one. Id like to be a bridge to help us all see, we're more alike in our needs and desires, than different.

In person. people can feel me.. that right there can make all the difference. Why I'm so much more comfortable to share my viewpoints in person. I'm an odd one who loves public speaking.. it's the writing and not being given an opportunity to clarity if misunderstood, that really has pained me. Still working through that one.

Writing feels like form of a Rorschach test of someone else's capacity to understand literal words, and their meanings, and to not just jump to defensive conclusions. Defenses, I understand. I've had many in my life and I've come to find -challenging them beyond patent answers, but into a deeper inner trust and knowing, better leads us all to a more complete mental health. Challenging old beliefs and my own negative thoughts have given me a life without- or much less anxiety, fear and autopilot performance. 

I see how I had to test, in real world environments and with people I love and care about- to see, will I betray me to still fit in? If I'm capable to betray myself, my inner trust self guidance, how can I ever claim authentic integrity? 

*That's me, THATs what I care about. Being honest, compassionate and powerfully peaceful in my proactive attempts to reeducate from fear based propaganda.

I've had enough lived experienced now, using my own personal Astrology to break down the walls around my own hear that kept me trapped in limited thinking, and subjected to the understanding and compliance of those around me. No more...

I can see how deeply needed not only is critical thinking, as a skill, but also as a social experiment. Always- but especially in this day and age with fears of "A.I.' taking us over.... We speak of AI as if its it own thing and not just another human pushing their agenda. Humans are creating, running, funding, and managing AI. Fellow humans.

Why are we so quick to "other" something we fear, as if it's something outside our control. True we can't control other humans, but we can communicate with them and express our needs, feelings, desires and fears- the very things that separate us from the Robots. 

Emotional intelligence can't ever be replaced. It can only be turned off and tuned out- but individuals personal beliefs and choices, especially our subconscious ones will always run, or ruin this show. Until we make those undercurrents of fear, visible enough to surf; to manage, not to control- to release the need and desire for control. Until we see theres nothing truly wrong, it was just a fear and by acknowledging it we get in front of it. We don't have to stay trapped under its weight anymore.

I am still in this process myself and I'm not an expert on anything except my own perceptions of humanity & experiences there in ... and I want to talk about it.

I've seen idiocracy and I see it sneaking into our daily life.

 Information is power, Emotional Intelligence will out shine anything artificial everyday- because the systems running humanity are meant to be driven be the heart, not just logic alone. 

I choose to believe we are at a crossroads to a New conceptual World beginning. I can see Peace written in the stars in an energetic way that hasn't yet been available to our ancestors. 

So I say- Let's Darwin this existence and remain a survival of the fittest. Not just about your psychical body & appearance, though I do love my job as a makeup Artist, lets go deeper, shall we? I'm not talking about the use or not of vitamins and peptides. 

We need more mental reps.

We need time and a space to challenge long held beliefs and see if they still stand up.. many may, cool keep those, and many that need changing will actually benefit us all and aren't all that scary. Especially post- covid. We're seeing how much more connected and strong we can be, when we're truly united in a cause, but we can't get there collectively till we first examine and understand our own needs, personally. Thats the ripple effect our happiness and joy are meant to create and impact upon our chosen community; Uniting World Cup style through love and respect, even in the face of perceived differences & even defeat.

This was way longer than I intended and thats been my biggest struggle, and barrier of entry into this field of communication and sharing.. I'm not click bait, I'm not short form, I don't show up on peoples algorithm...  because I'm trying to change it.

And if you're here reading this, I believe it's because you're meant to be a part of this growth change too. 

Thank you for taking the time to hear me, to read me... I hope it came across as thought provoking and potentially relatable.... I may never know, but I've got to be better & even more fully share what's inside me. If only to refine and define, for me and continue to document this journey.

Hugs!!

Peace (Irene) Out